Book Titles: M-P

My Father's Scar - Cart, Michael
My Heartbeat - Garret Freymann-Weyr
My Losing Season - Conroy, Pat
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest - Kesey, Ken
One Hot Second: Stories About Desire - Young, Cathy [editor]
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Garcia Marquez, Gabriel
Outrageously Alice - Naylor, Phyllis Reynolds
Patiently Alice - Naylor, Phyllis Reynolds
Paula - Allende, Isabel
Peter - Walker, Kate
Push - Sapphire

NOTE: TITLES beginning with 'The' are under T


Click here for Books A-G

Click here for Books H-L

Click here for Books R-S

Click here for Books T-The H

Click here for Books The I-Z

"My Father’s Scar"

Cart, Michael
St. Martin’s Press
204 pages, paperback, large print
Copyright 1996

- Book is about a homosexual college freshman [A]. Book skips back and forth between his current college life and the past

- page 1: “..professor’s teaching assistant.. winks at me.. deliberately, complicitously. ..hot blush rush[ed] over my face.”

-“..bastard..”

- His father is a drunk: “..drunk as usual and dangerous. I can smell the beer on his breath.. [he] swears at a car that passes us.. if rage were a color, it would be the same red as his face.. might have a heart attack.. too many beers since his glory days.. beers later when he finally does have a heart attack and die..”

-“..old man orders me... Hit him... Beat the shit out of him.. Shit [BC, the other boy] sneers.. Pig.. Pig, pig.. eat your slops, piggy.. I swing wildly at him.. catching his left ear.. shit he says.. he decks me.. Get up they both command.. crawl to my father.. My drunk, furious.. father.. struggle shakily to my feet. And he kicks me. Right in the butt, as if I’m not a human being but a football. ..will have scars on my palms even after I grow up.. souvenirs of my magic moment with my father and BC.. Coward [his father says].. My father has kicked me.. as if I’m a stray dog.. I can whip your old man, he yells after BC... the next day I begin to run. The first day I run until I puke and then, wiping my mouth on my T-shirt I run some more. I run every day after that, through pain and rain.. can never outrun the memories..”

-“Oh, shit..”

-“bastard..”

-“I feel sorry for kids who [don’t have their own dorm room] have to room with strangers - loudmouth guys.. who brag about all the girls they boink and get mad when you don’t believe them.”

-“Oh, shit.”

-“Shit..”

- Bullies [BC and E’s brother] dump Coke and popcorn on him from balcony in movie theater; “..was only myself I hated - for being the kind of kid other boys tortured.. for being so weak I let them get away with it... shit.. I’ll beat the shit out of you.” The bullies make him buy them more Coke and popcorn.

-“Geezus! What the hell is she doing?”

-“..I got so mad when S made his crack about me having a crush on professor H. It scared me that feelings I wasn’t aware of might be so obvious to someone else.”

-“..I wonder why I’m so goddam depressed.”

-“..family car.. looked like it had been driven in a demolition derby. In a sense I guess it had, since my father, the well known drunk, was usually behind the wheel... old man was just a bad memory of the night before when he had come home drunk as usual and thrown up on the.. rug.. [mother says] I just washed that rug.. excuse me to hell, the old man muttered... I feel like shit.”

-“Jesus..”

-“..old man was throwing up on the rug outside my room.”

-“ ..SHIT!.. Aw, shit..”

-“..he walked that way when he was already half-drunk... Goddam you, he shouted.. Who the hell do you think you are?... he slapped me. Hard. I saw stars and my knees buckled. Shit, he fumed.. see what you made me do?”

-“Shit, I [told E].. I wish he were dead... My fucking father. ..Did you know that my father killed himself? [E asked me].. for a long time I guess I thought it was my fault.. I’ve never told anybody this.. here’s the thing; My dad used to, well.. play with me.. Sexually... [A] says my old man hits me.. E.. looked at me... Did you want him to?... to slap you? Of course not, I said... [E said] Well, I did. want my dad to. To.. play with me.. all I could think of was my old man doing something like that to me, and I felt like I was going to throw up. [E says] I know you think that’s sick.. But I couldn’t help it. I don’t know why I wanted him to. ..maybe it was the only way I could be sure he loved me. Or needed me.”

- Church pastor lectures on homosexuality: “..these sodomites, these homosexuals, will burn.. in the flames of eternal hell. For God hates homosexuals and their unspeakably evil perversions.. [E says] That is not true. ..pastor.. furious.. How dare you interrupt God? He is talking through me.. I don’t think God is talking through you [E says].. I don’t believe.. that He [hates homosexuals].. I think you do though.. that’s why your telling so many lies about them. ..How can you say I’m telling lies?.. How can a boy your age know anything about such a terrible perversion?... I know it [E says] because I’m a homosexual.”

-“When I heard E say I’m a homosexual.. final piece had fallen into place in .. puzzle.. E.. was gay.. thought about the jokes I had heard.. at school.. calling them faggots and lisping and making their wrists limp.. thought about E and how good.. kind.. smart.. brave.. all the other stuff was bullshit.”

-“..drifted to sleep. Only to be awakened by [his mom and dad coming in to his room]... need to talk to you.. Has he [E] tried any funny stuff with you? [dad asks] ..if he has, I’ll kill the faggot son of a bitch.”.. needs to be locked up, the sick bastard.. If he comes sniffing around, you tell me.. I’ll rip his nuts off. That’s what should be done to all those fruits.. Those fruits try to recruit kids.. finally went back to sleep... my first wet dream in months. And it was about E.”

-“.. the word ‘faggot’ all over E’s locker.. kids laughed.. made kissing noises or worse.. pointed at their crotches and said.. come and get it.. started teasing [his brother], asking him if it ran in the family.. if.. he and E ‘did it’ together... kissed him on the cheek.. saying.. Ooops.. hope I didn’t make E jealous. Fuck you! [E’s brother shouted] And Fuck you, too! he screamed at E. You fuckin’ faggot, you’ve ruined my fuckin’ life.. he started to cry, making horrible angry, sobbing sounds.”

- A wonders if “the old man would put 2 and 2 together and come up with an odd number: ohmygod, my son’s a faggot. Why else would he be at a gym meet where a notorious homosexual was one of the competitors?”

-“..some moron asshole hollered, Oh Honey! and a lot of people laughed.”

-“..crowd started booing.. at E... first jeers and catcalls rained down on him.. Coke cup.. wrappers and popcorn.. half-empty can of soda.. hit E in the chest.. another can.. crowd had started to yell now..”

-“Oh, Jesus..”

-“E and [his brother] stood in the center.. [of a crowd of guys].. Pastor P told me what they do to fruits like you in the Marines.. you’re a faggot.. I’m also you brother E said. Not anymore... No faggot is going to be my brother... OK, E said.. started to turn away.. Oh, no you don’t, faggot [his brother] snarled.. crowd closed tightly.. make sure everybody knows you’re a faggot.. We’re gonna cut all your pretty faggot hair off.. pulled a pair of scissors out of his jacket.. biggest guys.. grabbed E’s arms.. hair caught in the scissors was ripped out of his scalp and the bald patch that was left quickly filled up with blood... [E’s] elbow caught [his brother] in the nose.. blood began gushing.. Now your really gonna get it, faggot he said and hit E in the face... hit him again.. c’mon faggot.. E refused to hit back.. hands at his sides.. shower of blows raining on him... thud, thud, thud.. [girl tries to get A to stop them, but he is afraid] If I try to stop them, they’ll know I'm a faggot, too, and then they’ll kill me... E went down and feet replaced the fists... [girl] threw her body on top of E’s... [E’s brother] kicked her in the side.. Shit.. BC said. she’s a girl.. I don’t care [E’s brother] said... started to aim another kick at her. But BC pulled him away. You're a faggot.. [E’s brother] screamed at him.. [BC] pushed him away and said God... you’re nuts. Well, fuck you. ..E.. lying unconscious on the ground, which was turning red around him with his blood.. everyone.. started to walk away.. just [E’s brother] standing there, looking at his bloody hands.. down at his unconscious brother.. all your fuckin’ fault.... Jesus Christ.. policeman said, looking at E’s bloody and battered body.. We prayed for him in church. We prayed for [his brother] too. He tried to kill himself. But he failed. And they sent him away. To some home someplace.. The rest of the kids got away with it. The police and the school officials called it mass hysteria.. E wouldn’t press charges.”

- A doesn’t want to go to see E in the hospital: “..afraid people will find out I’m a homosexual. too.” But A eventually goes to see E and asks him to “Take me with you.. when you go.. I’m serious.. I love you.. [E tells him] you are too young. Too young to know your heart yet.. have this conversation again in 3 or 4 years.” After E goes away he writes A and tells him “I love you”

-“..real bastard.”

- A’s college professor invites him to Thanksgiving dinner but the professor’s assistant pleads with him: “Don’t go to his place... Come home with me instead... what does that make me, a piece of shit?” A is very nervous about the dinner with the professor but buys flowers and goes. “Shit!” A doesn’t eat much and professor asks him what he is hungry for. “It’s love I’m hungry for - starving for - and I think.. [the professor] is, too. ..he comes around the table.. stands close to me, I get up and gladly melt into his arms and turn my face to be kissed... [professor’s] reaction when I put my arms around him was not exactly what I expected. WHAT THE HELL!... what the hell do you think you’re doing?.. I thought you were going to kiss me. I was just going to pour you some more wine, you idiot. Christ! He sounded disgusted and pulled away from me.. This is how you repay my hospitality? he hissed, making some cheap faggoty pass at me? What in hell could you have been thinking of? How could I ever tell him that I had been thinking that perhaps he might love me?... want you to leave.. Brazen little bastard.... I am NOT a homosexual.. And for Christ’s sake.. if the police should stop you on the way home, don’t tell them where you’ve been. drunken slut... my heart keeps blubbering; no one will love me now.. Fuck love! my mind snarls.”

-“By the time I was a senior in high school, the old man was drinking too had to keep a job... Most days when I got home from.. school, [my mom] was still at work and the old man was already passed out.. would.. watch.. his red face, his scar... angry-at-the-world scowl. How rich in rage he was.”

-“the old man had been fired from a nothing, part-time janitor’s job for drinking at work - gee, what a surprise - and was taking it out on Mother and me.. Christ, the old man shouted..”

- A is now tutoring BC who was the boy who used to beat him up and was the boy who his dad made him fight when he kicked him in the butt. BC is now the quarterback and popular kid and needs to pass classes to play. He tells A he is sorry for fighting with him: “I’ve thought about it a lot. Things were lousy at home.. needed somebody.. to take it out on.. I‘m sorry.. [A shouts] Well, maybe you should have been sorry 6 years ago. It’s too fucking easy for you to just say you’re sorry now... [I’m] out of here.. You’re too fucking stupid for me to help, anyway... [A thinks] Oh, Jesus, I sound just like my old man. I started to cry. And BC lunged at me. I cringed.. thinking he was going to hit me and I’d have 2 black eyes full of tears. But he didn’t hit me. He kissed me. Have you ever been surprised by a kiss? Really surprised?.. His lips hit mine so hard, it was like he was punching me with his mouth.. I lost my balance and fell down... Oh, Jesus [BC said], are you okay?.. I’m sorry he said.... don’t know what happened. I just had to do it... It’s ok I mumbled.. hadn’t felt like this since E left town 3 years before.”

-“[A and BC] found an abandoned house.. met there after school, spending long afternoons of sweet urgency, lingering each time.. careful to never go to the house together... I love you [BC] said.. I love you, he repeated.”

-“..No one knows but us. This is our secret. Our secret, special life.”

-“[BC] grabbed me and pulled me close. Lighten up he said in my ear... When I was with him in our abandoned house, I felt complete.. why did we have to keep such happiness a secret? Why should we be afraid to tell anyone or everyone? Because people thought it was wrong for 2 boys to be in love with each other? Or because one person, the old man, would think it was wrong? Queer. That was a shit reason.”

-“Fuck! he’d shout, I’m outta here.. he’d storm back and grab me and our bodies would take over and supply their own urgent answers.”

-“Oh, shit... before I opened my eyes I knew what happened.. Oh, shit.. It’s morning. we’ve been here [in the house] all night... I gotta go... [mom and dad] were in the kitchen.. So, the old man said, did she give you your graduation present?.. look.. of complicity.. was it that girl? my mother asked.. was it that girl.. So there it was: my out. My easy out. Just a little betrayal of BC. And myself. And what we were together. Yeah, sure, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, she gave me my present all right - all night long. The gift that keeps on giving. Haha... I could be a hero to [my old man]. My son is normal. He spent the night with a girl... It wasn’t a girl, I said.. it was a boy. I spent the night with a boy. I’m gay... just spoken the truth.... simple words of one syllable.. the truth shall make me free... His features contorted.. thought he might explode... Jesus Christ, a faggot, my son’s a fuckin’ faggot, oh, Jesus, get out, get out of my house an’ never come back, never... could see [my mom’s] lips move.. he doesn’t know, he doesn’t understand, it looked like she was praying... he was sputtering now.. Jesus, faggot, out.. I smiled a little smile because it sounded like he was performing an exorcism.. I didn’t look back. Not once..”

- A goes back to the abandoned house and finds BC still there: “that was quick he said... what’s wrong.. I told them I was gay.. what did they say?.. I remembered the words and spoke them: Jesus, faggot, out... I started to laugh.. it was screams.. I couldn’t stop them.. he pulled me down on the floor and made soothing noises.. he rocked me, back and forth as if I were a baby and said it’s ok, it’s ok over and over... Jesus, what’s he done to you.. I fell asleep.. A door slams and I wake up... BC.. He’s so excited, so proud.. he grins at me through his split lip.. eye.. starting to swell shut.. I know what he’s done.. he fights pretty good, your old man.. I think he likes to fight. But I don’t think he liked it when I kicked his butt.. He laughs.. cut on the cheek beneath the eye. He’ll have a scar there, I think.. I look at BC and I’m sorry that this is the way I’ll have to remember him, because I love him so much.. we’re too different, he and I.. I walk out of the room.. [his] voice follows me, hey, A, where y’going?.. Come back, A. But I can’t and when I get outside, I start to run.”

- A tells the professor’s assistant about the Thanksgiving dinner; “He laughs so hard he has to bend over and hold his knees.. Oh, honey [he] howls, I’m sorry.. but I’m trying to imagine what [the professors] face looked like when you puckered up.. I remember how infatuated I have been with Professor H and how painful and humiliating his rejection has been.. [the assistant tells him] I’m the one who’s in love with you!.. I’m in love with you.. I have been ever since I saw you smile in class that day... I remember pastor P raving about homosexuals waking up and finding themselves in hell and I begin to think I’ve woken up to find myself in heaven.. Love. I can’t believe it.. Hello, love, he says smiling softly at me... he reaches out and pulls me gently toward him.. I rest my head on his shoulder.. Welcome home [he] whispers, and we smile.. together.”

- In Fairfax County Public School Elementary and Middle School Library System

-See www.operationinformation.com/books/BOOKTITLE.html for additional information/excerpts

___________________________________________________

"My Heartbeat"

Freymann-Weyr, Garret
Houghton Mifflin Co.
154 pages
Copyright 2002

- Book is about a E, a 14-year old girl who “loves” the high school senior boy who is her brother’s (also a high school senior) best friend. She (and everyone else) thinks both the boys are homosexual and in love with one another. Her brother verbally denies this but E (and everyone else) doesn’t believe him. E eventually has sex with her brother’s friend, who has slept with other men but also likes girls. The cover has two large figures (her older brother and friend) clasping arms, with a heart between them, towering over a smaller figure who, with head bowed, is punching both of them.

- E talks to older brother about a boy his friend went out with. “I don’t think he likes that guy at all,” she says.

- Classmate tells her that her brother and his friend are a “couple.” She thinks about this and wonders, “Why would they have encouraged my crush on J if they could have stopped it by telling me they have a crush on each other?”

- She discusses this with mom who tells her she doesn’t know if her brother is gay and says it’s clear they (brother and J) love each other and that dad doesn’t know. Mom suggested she talk to her brother. She thinks, “It doesn’t matter if J and L are a couple. I will remain totally in love with J no matter what.”

- She talks to her brother and J about them being gay. Her brother gets mad, says “I am not gay... J is gay. ..[he’s] slept with people. ..[he] slams out of the apartment so hard that a picture frame shatters..”

- She then has a shot with J. He says, “..I don’t think sex is the thing that makes someone gay.” They have a conversation about this... “Was it true [she asks].. Yes, I’ve slept with other people... men. Why never with a girl [she asks] brain.. flooded with Sambuca.. 2 reasons. A girl has never asked me and I never thought sleeping with a girl would annoy your brother.” They have a long conversation where he says he “likes girls” but “..just generic girls. That’s why I have no idea if I’m gay.”

- “A’s father is a faggot.. faggot is one of the many words.. used instead of the pleasant sounding gay... queer, queen, fairy. How come I know this awful list.. How can anyone’s father be gay.. I am not gay [her brother says]..”

- 3-4 pages of her research and thoughts on being homosexual - “..not a big deal. There’s AIDS.. getting attacked by a redneck, but that’s about it...people who don’t know better still think it’s shameful or wrong.. Not smart people.. [my brother’s] too smart to think [that] like.. religious zealots and.. people who.. don’t know better.”

- “It’s a big deal.. J says. My parents make me see a shrink because they are worried I’m gay.”

- Thinks her dad is wrong in not wanting her brother [L] to be gay: “..has picked the wrong - the ignorant - laws to follow?” She thinks that her brother is not admitting he is gay only because of the influence of her dad.

- She decides to not talk to her dad about her brother being homosexual feeling it was her brothers place to do that.

- J kisses her. “He looks at me as if to check whether I’m going to jerk away from him. The way I imagine [my brother] has jerked away from J many times.”

- She has discussion with J about her brother. She learns the reason her brother gave J as to why he shouldn’t going out with some guy and “letting someone love me” was her. Her brother told J, “You have E [her]. E loves you. ..We were never able to... um , express affection [J says]. It freaked him out. he thought it was the same thing as having sex. So I expressed it to you. And you let me... You shouldn’t leave [my brother] for me [she says]... I can only hold [his] place [she says].. ..how could I want [my brother’s] place long past when he is ready to take it back. ..not [his] place.. J says. It’s mine to give away.. isn’t this what you want?.. This is what I want I say, pulling away [from kissing him]. But there’s all this stuff you want from [my brother]. That he wants from you. ..So your not gay? [she asks]. ..meaning compared to [my brother”] am I enough? ..I get that he thing that matters to him is what he can have with somebody. Be it a girl, a boy, a man, or a woman. Right now I am the someone he has. ..doesn’t make him straight, doesn’t make him gay either.”

- She imagines her brother and J kissing. She is “drunk from kissing” and “reckless with affection. Physical affection. As if I can make up for what my brother would not offer. ..J says he will not sleep with me. Not, repeat, not. ..too soon.”

- “.. have turned into a girl who worries about sex. ..having it and not having it.. J and I navigate around each other’s bodies.. There is, as J said going to be weirdness with your brother.. No matter how far I get away from the girl my parents know, I won’t be scared as long as I am with J.”

- “Let me guess, J asks [my brother]. [Your parents are] still afraid your gay?.. Fear. Dad’s afraid L’s gay, and mom’s afraid dad will be or already is handling it badly.. They can’t know anything for sure about L. But the fear is everywhere. ..I love J for saying clearly and fearlessly what is going on.” Her brother and J then talk about L’s girlfriend.

- “Maybe [my brother’s] not gay, but he does love J. I wish that loving J made [my brother] as happy as it makes me.”

- “Va te faire foutre L says.. first words I learned in French. [My brother] and J taught them to me. ..not printable in a family newspapers.”

- She complains to her dad that she had to read “Ethan Fromme” and the teacher never talked about “repressed sexual desire.”

- “Michelangelo was gay... designed the Vatican where the Pope lives. The pope, who has to make gay people feel bad as part of his job.”

- She and her dad have a long conversation as to why so many “good artists and writers and dancers are gay.” Her brother comes up in the conversation. Her dad tells her why he doesn’t want her brother to be gay. He mentions her brother's girlfriend and says “Let me have my peace while [your brother] remains undecided. ..if it should ever come to pass that you want to sleep with another girl, we can purse this conversation further.” She implies she wants to sleep with J, not a girl. “This vacillating affection appears to run in the family” her dad says.

- “[My brother] didn’t love J enough to defy Dad’s wishes. To my father enough is what divides gay love from straight.”

- She thinks about how J and her brother look the same, “..never thought they looked different until after I had fallen totally madly in live with J.”

- Two friends at school are convinced that because she is “an item” with J, that she is “no longer a virgin.”

- “..there’s the little matter of an AIDS test. He [J] keeps meaning to have one. When we close the door to his room, J always looks at my hands, checking them for paper cuts or hang nails. ..safe-sex manuals. about blood and bodily fluids.. turning deadly.. You are only 14 [he says]. ..his reluctance and unease with where I very much want to go. ..sex is like drawing for me. When I touch J.. want to keep going until it is finished.” Responding to his concern with her being 14 she says “You’ll go to college.. There will be someone else.. waiting silly. ..You’re as likely to have someone else as I am, he says. ..more reason, I say. I don’t want the first time to be with someone who isn’t you. I don’t want your first time to be with someone who has never been with a girl [he says]... the men he has been with.. make J reluctant. ..men he slept with.. to annoy [my brother]. I read in one of my books on gay identity.. when you have sex with someone, you have sex with all the people that person has slept with. ..J.. creeped out by the idea of those men coming into contact with me when they were meant to help him reach my brother. ..I ask J if he thinks I would prefer him sleeping with another girl.. before he sleeps with me. I would.. he says. ..funny. The picture of us I will draw later. ..one of me and J in bed with the 3 men he has slept with.” They talk about a man who works for J’s dad that he slept with and how he cried when he found out J wasn’t as old as he thought he was and how J’s shrink thinks it had nothing to do with her brother but was about J’s dad. They talk about him talking to her brother about his sex with this man. “If I had been older I wouldn’t have slept with him J says. By now, I have other ways to deal with my father. I.. try to think if Dad has any friends [my brother] or I would sleep with.”

- Her brother has a conversation with her dad and drops hints he might be gay although he now has a girlfriend. She thinks: “If I were honest, I would say that my brother’s unpredictable willingness to hint that he is gay is the main reason behind my hurry to sleep with J.”

- “..all [my brother and I] have failed to say to each other since the night he called AC’s father a faggot.”

- She learns J will be going overseas to college. They have sex: “I guess what happens is because neither of us wants to say anything or cry... It hurts a little but not as much as the books say. ..not even a tearing feeling, more a feeling of oh, how unusual, until oh, this is it.. I am here, finally here. ..And then it’s over. In .. 4 months I’ll turn 15, but this will loom larger in my mind, I think. I’ll always be first girl, I say. Jesus.. J says.. When’s your period due? he asks.. J used a condom.. I recall his Wait, hang on, wait a minute.. [J’s] mother destroyed his father’s first marriage when she got pregnant.. I don’t know [when my periods due] I say. It shows up when it does. Start keeping track, he says. My mother writes it down on a calendar... [J’s mother] couldn’t have known that his dad would leave his wife for her or that her missed period would become a boy... I see her.. Very scared. More scared than J and I are now. What will we do if our being careful wasn’t totally effective?.. I see a big black hole when I try to imagine having sex with anyone else. But I see a lot of beautiful men and women when I think of J’s future lovers. ..when he leaves for school... we will fade from each other’s bodies as we seek new and different company. ..when I reach for my skirt and blouse,.. I have missed the family dinner hour”

- “After I get out of college or art school, I might run into J at a gallery.. I know I will be alone. A hand will touch my shoulder and it will be J. Neither of us will have been touched by AIDS or pregnancy. We won’t be particularly enmeshed with anyone else. It will be the right time for us. And we will know each other again.”

- In Fairfax County Public School Elementary and Middle School Library System

-See www.operationinformation.com/books/BOOKTITLE.html for additional information/excerpts

___________________________________________________

"My Losing Season"

Conroy, Pat

See www.classkc.org for excerpts

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"One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest"

Kesey, Ken
Penguin Books
Paperback, approx. 275 pages
Copyright 1962

- 9 uses of “shit/bullshit”, 12 uses of “bitch/son of a bitch”, 12 uses of “fuck/fucking/ motherfucker”, 4 uses of “asshole/ass”, 10 uses of “goddamn”, 10 uses of “bastard”, 6 uses of “ball-cutter”, 4 uses of “coon”, and one use each of dago, tarbabies, black-ass, nigger and cocksucker

-Book setting is in insane asylum. First 2 sentences in book: “They’re out there. Black boys in white suits up before me to commit sex acts in the hall and get it mopped up before I can catch them.”

-“Admission [to the asylum]. ..[they] stand scared till the black boys come sign for him and take him to the shower room, where they strip him and leave him.. while they all 3 run grinning up and down the halls looking for the Vaseline. We need that Vaseline, they’ll tell the Big Nurse, for the thermometer. She [says].. I’m sure you do and hands them a jar.. but mind you boys don’t group up in there.. running the thermometer around in the grease till it’s coated the size of your finger, crooning, That’s right mothah, that’s right and then shut the door and turn all the showers up to where you can’t hear anything but the vicious hiss of water on the green tile.”

-“..they tell me a psychopath’s a guy who fights too much and fucks too much.. whoever heard of a man gettin’ too much coozle?”

-“..a twisted sinewy dwarf the color of cold asphalt. His mother was raped in Georgia while his papa stood by tied to the hot iron stove.. blood streaming into his shoes. the boy watched from a closet... and he never grew an inch after.”

-“..push him face down on the mattress. One sits on [him] and the other rips his pants open in back.. T’s peach-colored rear is framed... he’s smothering curses into the mattress.. boy sitting on his head.. nurse comes down the hall.. long needle.. comes right back out.. Before the black boy can close the door after her I see the one still sitting on T’s head, dabbing at him with a Kleenex. They’re in there a long time before.. they come out, carrying him.. His greens are ripped clear off now and he’s wrapped in a damp sheet...”

-“..accused of a multitude of things... of having relations with male friends of mine.. of having nothing between my legs but a patch of hair-and soft and downy and blond hair at that. ball-cutter? Oh, you underestimate her!”

-“..you can still make out the.. extraordinary breasts.. could you get it up over her.. i couldn’t get it up over that old frozen face.. if she had the beauty of Marilyn Monroe.”

-“Billy ‘Club’ Bibbit, he was known as.. those girls were about o take of when one at him and says are you the renowned Billy Club Bibbitt? Of the famous 14 inches.. and we were a shoo-in. ..when we got them to the hotel, there was this woman’s voice from over near Billy’s bed, says.. disappointed in you; I heard that you had four- four- four goodness sakes!”

-“..ask her.. just what was the actual inch-by-inch measurement on them great big ol’ breasts that she did her best to conceal but never could. ..nature had tagged her with those outsized badges of femininity..”

-“At home she locks herself in the bathroom out of sight, strips down, and rubs that crucifix all over that stain running from the corner of her mouth in a thin line down across her shoulders and breasts. She rubs and rubs and hails Mary to beat thunder, but the stain stays. ..darker’n ever. Finally take a wire brush.. and scrubs the stain away, puts a nightgown on over the raw, oozing hide, and crawls into bed. ..While she’s asleep it rises in her throat and into her mouth, drains out of that corner of her mouth like purple spit and down her throat, over her body. in the morning she sees how she’s stained again... figures it’s not really from inside her-how could it be? a good Catholic girl like her?”

-“Two whores on their way... to take us deep sea fishing. ..2 whores on a fishing boat.. crank of that reel fluttering her breast at such speed the nipple’s just a red blur.. help her squeeze the pole tighter in between her breasts.. her breasts look so firm.. the girl cussing for all she’s worth and looking at her bare breasts, one white and one smarting red..”

-“..first girl ever drug me to bed.. I was about 10... lay seemed like such a big deal.. I thought if you made it, man, you were legally wed.. little whore-at the most 8 or 9- reached down and got her dress off the floor..”

-“..the 3 black boys came around, gathering the bunch of us for our special shower.. we lined up nude.. one black boy came over, a black plastic tube in his hand, squirting a stinking salve.. in the hair first, then turn around an’ bend over and spread your cheeks! ..They kidded the black boys.. hey, Williams, can you tell me what I had for breakfast?.. When F spread his cheeks there was such a sound I thought the least black boy would be blown clear off his feet. Hark!.. The lovely voice of an angel. ..next man was G.. No-none of that stoof. [G would never let anything/anyone touch him]..You goddamned coon, M said.. Goddamned motherfucking nigger!.. Cocksucker!.. The black boy grabbed [g’s] arm and swung him facing the wall. Tha’s right, G now spread those cheeks. [fight breaks out.. M and other sent for electroshock].”

-“..[T said]: Billy Boy. ..How much is it worth to you to lose your ol’ cherry?.. It ain’ that. Not money. ..You people be sharing more’n a bottle, won’t you? ..M took [Billy] aside and told him not to worry about his girl’s chastity- T’d likely be so drunk and sleepy by the time Billy was finished that the old coon couldn’t put a carrot in a washtub. The girl was late again. ..they passed one of T’s cigarettes [pot] back and forth.. hee hee.. you want a toke? [Girls arrive] Let her in T. Let this mad stud [Billy] at her. ..Billy Boy. It’s to late to back out now. ..I got $5 here that says you burn that woman down... they had to lift their tight skirts up to their thighs to step through the window. [they are drunk and have bottles with them]”

-“..why don’t he answer? Maybe he got too high. Man, what are you talkin’? I don’t get too high, not on a little middlin’ joint like that one.”

- They break into the drug room and find some codeine syrup to mix with the vodka and all drink it and smoke some more pot.

-“..they discussed how it would be to lay that little nurse with the birthmark.. I’d be scared. T said, that she might go to whuppin’ me with that big ol’ cross on that chain.. I’d be scared, M said, that just about the time I was getting my jollies she’d reach around behind me with a thermometer and take my temperature!”

-“..heard on of S’s [seizure] convulsion cries and went to find him sprawled twitching beside that big girl.. She was sitting on the floor brushing at her skirt, looking down at S. I never experienced anything like it she said with quiet awe. F.. put a wallet between his teeth... and helped him get his pants buttoned... I’m all right, he said, Medicate me and turn me loose again.. maybe you better bring me something too [the girl] called drunkenly.. I never experienced anything to come even close to it. ..H came back with a double handful of pills; he sprinkled them over S and the woman.. He raised his eyes toward the ceiling. Most merciful God, accept these 2 poor sinners into your arms..[blah, blah] It is our last fling.. We will all be shot at dawn. 100 cc’s apiece.. we’ll face the terrible maw of a muzzle-loading shotgun which she has loaded with Miltowns! Thorazines! Libriums! Stelazines!.. Tranquilize all of us completely out of existence.. slid to the floor, pills hopping out of his hands in all directions.. Amen, he said and closed his eyes. The girl on the floor smoothed her skirt over her long hard-working legs and looked at S still grinning and twitching.. said Never in my life experienced anything to come even halfway of it.”

-“[Head Nurse] walked straight up to M. He [Billy] cut his throat, she said. ..opened the doctor’s desk and found some instruments and cut his throat.”

-M is given a lobotomy and comes out a vegetable. Another inmate kills him [mercy killing] and than escapes. “..waited that night until.. everybody was asleep.. [M’s eyes] open and undreaming, glazed.. I moved to pick up the pillow.. the eyes fastened on the movement and followed me.. The big, hard body had a tough grip on life. It fought.. against having it taken away, flailing and thrashing around so much I finally had to lie full length on top of it and scissor the kicking legs with mine while I mashed the pillow into the face. I lay there on top of the body for what seemed like days. Until the thrashing stopped.. shuddered once and was still again. I rolled off. ..saw the expression hadn’t changed from the blank, dead-end look the least bit, even under suffocation. I .. pushed the lids down and held them till they stayed.”

- On Fairfax County Public Schools Summer 2001 Suggested Reading List For Rising Eleventh and Twelfth Graders

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"One Hot Second: Stories About Desire"

Young, Cathy [editor]
Borzoi Book, pub. by Alfred A. Knopf
200 pages, approx.
Copyright 2002

-11 short stories about teenagers and sex - 8 heterosexual and 3 homosexual. Cover is close-up of girl’s lips and nose if it isn’t clear from the title what this book is about.

- “..tales of weekend lust in B’s family room while B’s family was somewhere else. ..We did it. last night! ..Do it; don’t do it; do it. ..guess she’d made up her mind. ..had this vision of the 2 of them lying.. naked on some.. old couch with squeaky springs. ..You did use something.. B had condoms. Condoms. Plural. ..remembered.. found some in.. older brothers room and filled them up like water balloons. ..were only.. 10 at the time. ..looked so funny.. called them our hot-dog toys and laughed.. It was wonderful.. He kept asking me if it felt good. ..Did he get on top.. She nodded. ..didn’t hurt or anything? When he.. put it in? ..don’t think about.. that.. you want to hold on to him and keep him warm inside you forever!”

- “..come by my house? Everybody’ll be out again. ..arm creeping around her side to lie on her butt.. I have paper to write.. Write it afterwards! ..God, V I didn’t think you’d turn into such a priss afterwards.”

- D, another boy, dies. C tells V, “..probably died while you were making love for the first time. isn’t that weird? ..weird that you thought of it like that. Sex is nothing like death.”

- “I guess B made it to the clouds, but I sure didn’t. I slept with him to find out if I loved him or not. ..guess I got my answer.”

- -------------------------------------

- “I’m shoplifting in [the] Music store..”

- ------------------------------------

- “That’s the sexiest poem I’ve ever read in this magazine. ..I’ll be writing porn next [she said]”

- K [a girl] tries to get her [P] to go to the gay club: “You don’t have to be gay to go.. poster said ALL WELCOME - GAY, BI, STRAIGHT, QUESTIONING.” P doesn’t go but K says she will.

- “[P] couldn’t take [her] eyes off her, and I hated [her boyfriend].. realized I.. should.. go to the [gay club] meeting. I lay awake all night.. imagining myself making out with M the way I’d seen [her boyfriend] doing... I touched myself the way I knew [he] had probably been touching M. ..liked the way it made me feel.. was frustrating and lonely with only me doing it.. had a weird dream with M and K.. in it.. woke up, was all sweaty.”

- P writes M a poem and M’s boyfriend teases her about it: “Hey, baby butch! You’re the stallion, right?”

- P falls in love with K and they kiss. K tells P: “It has always been [us]. You just didn’t figure it out till now.”

- ---------------------------------------

- “He french-kissed his last girlfriend 12 times at one dance. ...I really wanted to kiss him and I know he wanted to kiss me, but I didn’t know he was horny enough to do it in the hall. ..arms around him and my tongue in his mouth. ..disgusting but I liked it. It was my first kiss.”

- “..I got sick of waiting. ..wanted to kiss somebody and fall in love. My twin sister.. has fallen in love with all 3 of the boy’s she’s kissed... said it was beyond describing.. had to dump G... pressed up against my locker kissing K. ..lock digging into my backbone.. squeezed my eyes shut and tried concentrate.”

- ----------------------------------------

- “..A found out T [her boyfriend] slept with [another girl]. ..T wasn’t happy anymore just making out, or even going up her shirt, so she’d caved a bit, let him undo the top of her jeans. Still one night in his parent’s basement he’d pushed to go further.. [A refuses]”

- “..[found] him and C in bed together. naked. ..full-out naked.. pair of red satin panties edged with black lace on the floor in front of her. ..she’d never seen a pair of panties like that in her life. ..she turned and walked.. T calling her name behind her..”

- -------------------------------------------

- “..you’re both so pretty, why can’t you get boyfriends? ..called us names.. called us sexy... said we were brave.. said we were sexy.”

- “You’re a dyke too, aren’t you, N? [L asked] You like girls, don’t you? ..the hand, a little higher on my thigh. And squeezing”

- Years later N gets call from L’s mother. L has overdosed.

- “Kiss me, N. When you kiss me, I’m not scared of anything.

- “5 scabs by her toes first.. feet covered with tiny raised scars.. later, syringe bent near the trash can. Oh, N, N, N. My sweet baby girl”

- “Sometimes I spent the night. ..I’d whisper, This is everything, L. ..In the mornings walking around her.. apartment naked, I felt grown-up. And free.”

-----------------------------------------------

- While the girls [their dates] were in line for chips, D followed J into the [men’s toilet]. ..could never be sure who started messing around; it just happened.. a white stall.. they unzipped their jeans.. kept looking down.. was over in 2 minutes. ..When they got back to the girls the chips were gone cold..”

- “..went.. through the park.. ducked and crawled underneath a tree.. [J] did a sliding tackle on D.. Man on! ..moved with slick grace..”

- “..watched the.. curve of D’s shoulder. ..wanted to touch it, but [another boy] was 3 feet away.”

- “they didn’t waste time talking about it ..was like soccer - the sweaty tussle of it, the heart pounding thrill.. [one night] they took the risk and did it in J’s room. The door had no lock. ..kept the stereo turned up very loud.. was the best time yet. Afterward.. slumped in opposite corners.. D said.. I was thinking of telling the folks.. I am, you know.. had my suspicions for years.. thought I’d give it a try with your sister, but nada.. You’re freaking out at the thought of anyone calling you a faggot... we’re not.. so what are we..? We’re mates.. mates who mess around a bit. Fag-got! Fag-got!”

- D leaves town: “..I’ll miss it, but when it comes down to it, it’s only a game, eh?.. J couldn’t speak. His eyes were wet, blinded. D picked up his bag. Then he did something strange. he.. kissed J on the lips, for the first time, on his way out the door.”

- ---------------------------------------------------

- “N asks me when me and T are finally going to do it. ..Sex. Make love. Screw. Do it! ..[friends in] my face about being a virgin. they say virgin like I’m drowning puppies.. say it like it’s spit on all of them.”

- “Condoms. ..ribbed ones. Blue and all different colored ones. ..lubricated and even ones made for women... I have to [buy them all] ‘cause.. [at] the women’s clinic.. you have to fill out a 5,000 word questionnaire. ..And at our age, you have to get a fake ID to get it done. ..I grab a handful of condoms ‘cause I’ve been watching girls younger than me push strollers and change diapers at football games.. No glamour in stretch marks.. I pick the ribbed ones and wonder what ribbed means..”

- “N says, So, how was it?... girl has some sort of radar when it comes to my sex life. Fine, I say. Do you love him anymore? she asks. I shrug and think how I slept like a baby last night after [he] dropped me off at home.”

- “When I wake up, there is a big old box of condoms on my bedside table and a copy of ‘Our Bodies, Ourselves.’ ..I smile, put the condoms in my nightstand.. head down to breakfast.”

- In Fairfax County Public School Middle School Library System

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"One Hundred Years of Solitude"

Garcia Marquez, Gabriel
HarperCollins Publishers
Approx. 400 pages
Copyright 1970 by Harper and Row, Publishers, Inc. (English translation)

- By the author of Love in the Time of Cholera

- “Fearing her.. husband would rape her while she slept, [she] would put on.. drawers... reinforced with.. leather straps... closed.. by a thick iron buckle.... they would wrestle for several hours in an anguished violence that seemed to be a substitute for the act of love... rumor spread [she] was still a virgin a year after her marriage because her husband was impotent.”

- “..he was the first man that she had seen naked after her husband, and he was so well equipped for life that he seemed abnormal... relived her newlywed terror.”

- “.. the man who had raped her at 14 and had continued to love her until... 22..”

- “Dog shit.”

- “..she did everything she wanted with him as long as it did not bother him, making an effort to love him without hurting him... I want to be alone with you...tell everybody and we can stop all of this sneaking around... I can holler as much as I want... and you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of.”

- “..[he] spotted.. a very young gypsy girl, almost a child.. made his way through the crowd.. stopped behind her... pressed against her back.. girl tried to separate.. [he] pressed more strongly.. she felt him.. remained motionless against him, trembling with surprise and fear, unable to believe the evidence.. turned.. looked at him with a smile.. They did not witness the decapitation. They went to her tent.. kissed.. with a desperate anxiety while they toke off their cloths.. incipient breasts and legs so thin.. [he] could not respond to her because they were in kind of a public tent.. During a pause in the caresses [he] stretched out naked on the bed.. while the girl tried to inspire him... [another couple came in] and they both began to undress in front of the bed.. [his] companion asked the [the new couple] to leave them alone, and the couple lay down on the ground, close to the bed. [Their] passion woke up [his] fervor. On the first contact the bones of the girl seemed to become disjointed with a disorderly crunch.. her skin broke out into a.. sweat and her eyes filled with tears... But she bore the impact with a firmness of character and a bravery.. his heart burst forth with an outpouring of tender obscenities that entered the girl through her ears...”

- “..alternated with her bites and spitting [vilest obscenities].. she added whipping to the treatment.. whether it was the rhubarb or the beatings that had effect... began to show signs of recovery.”

- “..selling the.. mugs of fermented cane juice, and he took advantage of the occasion to go over to the men, and put his hand on them where he should not have.”

- “It only costs 20 cents... The adolescent mulatto girl, with her small bitch’s teats, was naked on the bed. Before A. 63 men had passed through the room that night.. girl took off soaked sheet.. heavy as a piece of canvas.. He knew the mechanics of love, but... girl.. told him to get undressed.. he gave her a confused explanation.. [she said] 20 cents more when you go out, you can stay a little longer.. A. got undressed, tormented by shame.. idea that his nakedness could not stand comparison with.. his brother. In spite of girls efforts he felt more indifferent and.. alone... Her back was raw... her grandmother carried her from town to town putting her to bed for 20 cents to make up the value of the.. house [she had accidentally burnt down].. girl’s calculations, she still had 10 years of 70 men per night.. [the next] dawn.. he made.. decision to marry her in order to free her... and to enjoy all the nights of satisfaction that she would give to the 70 men.”

- “You don’t have to worry... The man’s a fairy.”

- “I’ve come to sleep with you [he said]. His cloths were smeared with blood and vomit.. She took him to the bed... took off his clothes,.. then got completely undresses and lowered.. netting so that her children would not see.”

- “.. no one paid any attention to [priest]. ..many years without priest.. arranging the business of their souls directly with God... they had lost the evil of original sin. [priest] improvised an alter in the square... open-air mass.. Now we shall witness.. power of God.. [drank] cup of.. chocolate... rose 6 inches above.. ground... went.. for several days repeating the demonstration of levitation by means of chocolate while.. collected so much money... began construction of the church.”

- “..[she] reached puberty before getting over the habits of childhood.. showed them her panties, smeared with a chocolate colored paste. A month for the wedding was agreed on.. barely enough time to tech her how to wash herself, get dressed by herself...made her urinate over hot bricks to cure her of the habit of wetting her bed.. was so confused and... amazed at the revelation [of the marital secret] that she wanted to talk to everybody about the details of the wedding night.”

- “..his monumental size provoked a panic of curiosity among the women.. To the women who were.. coveting him he put the question as to who would pay the most... raffling himself off.. 5 more pesos from each one.. and I’ll share myself with them both. He made his living that way.. women who went to bed with him that night.. brought him naked into the dance salon.. had been shipwrecked... feeding on the body of a comrade who had succumbed to sunstroke and whose extremely salty flesh as it cooked in the sun had a sweet granular taste.. would eat 1/2 a suckling pig for lunch and whose flatulence withered the flowers... bestial belching.. looked at [his sisters] body with shameless attention and said.. Your a woman, little sister. [she] lost all control of herself.. was so impressed by his enormous.. nakedness that she felt an impulse to retreat.. Come here he said... stroked her ankles.. calves.. thighs.. Oh, little sister, little sister.. cyclonic power lifted her up by the waist and despoiled her.. with 3 slashes of its claws and quartered her like a little bird... the inconceivable pleasure of that unbearable pain, splashing... hammock absorbed the blood like a blotter. 3 days later they were married... she’s your sister. I don’t care... It’s against nature... fuck nature 2 times over.. scandalous honeymoon.... cries that woke up the whole district as many as 8 times in a single night and 3 times during siesta.”

- “A. grabbed her by the wrist and tried to pull her into the hammock... would like to make you happy... I can’t.. Don’t play the saint.. everyone knows you’re a whore... The children will find out.. leave the bar off the door tonite... waited for her that night.. stretched out his hand and found another hand... not the woman he was waiting for.. inflated blind breasts with nipples like a man’s, a sex as stony and round as a nut.. was a virgin.. paid.. to do what she was doing... Later on when the.. troops dislodged them from the place where they had made love, they did it among the cans of lard and sacks of corn..”

- “They don’t want to go to bed with a man they know is going to die.”

- “A person fucks up so much..”

- “..felt a strange trembling at the site of the splendid breasts with their brown nipples... kept on examining her [his aunt].. he would be a palliative for her solitude.. Later they not only slept together, naked.. but they would also chase each other... shut themselves up in bedrooms at any hour of the day in a permanent state of unrelieved excitement... almost discovered.. had gone too far.. she cut it off with one stroke. He was seeking consolation for his abrupt solitude... with women who smelled of dead flowers.. and changed into [his aunt] by... his imagination”

- “..[his aunt] herd him come into the bedroom... felt him slip under the netting... he was completely naked.. Go away or I’ll scream.. battles began again and would go on till dawn... I’m your aunt [she] murmured spent... found her in the dark bedrooms of captured towns.. in the smell of dried blood on the bandages of the wounded... in the .. terror of the danger of death... Can a person marry his own aunt? He can not only do that... but we’re fighting this war against the priests so that a person can marry his own mother.”

- “Your a brute A. would tell him.. You can’t do that to a poor aunt unless you have a special dispensation from the Pope... any children will be born with the tail of a pig.. I don’t care if they’re born as armadillos... found a woman with flaccid breasts, affectionate and cheap, who calmed his stomach for some time.”

- “..more than 400 men had filed past.. and discharged their revolvers into.. body of Cpt. A.R... body, which was heavy with lead and fell apart like a water soaked loaf of bread.”

- “..did not know about the custom of sending virgins to the bedrooms of soldiers in the same way that hens a re turned loose with fine roosters... 9 more sons of COL A. were brought to the house.”

- “..her breasts succumbed to the tedium of endless caressing.. in [her] house.. the girls from the neighborhood would receive their casual lovers... I’m happy knowing that people are happy in bed.. never charged for the service... just a s she never refused the countless men who sought her out... without giving her money or love and only occasionally pleasure.”

- “How strange men are... spend their lives fighting against priests and then give prayerbooks as gifts.”

- “At night or siesta time he would call one of his women to his hammock and obtain a rudimentary satisfaction from her,..”

- “..priest.. would.. say years later that the devil had probably had won his rebellion against God, and that he was the one who sat on the heavenly throne,..’

- “..priest asked him if he had done bad things with women... was upset with the question as to whether he had done them with animals... There are some corrupt Christians who do their business with female donkeys. ..on the following Tuesday P. came down out of the tower with a wooden stool which until then no one had known the use of, and he took [him] to a nearby pasture”

- “..A. S. realized that the woman had been going to bed alternately with him and his brother, thinking they were the same man... For almost 2 months he shared the woman with his brother.”

- “..were a frivolous couple.. going to bed every night, even on forbidden days, and frolicking there until dawn.”

- “..ordinary woman, rather lazy in bed, and completely lacking any resources in lovemaking.”

- “..to die with her, on top of her and underneath her, during a night of feverish license.”

- “F. carried a.. calendar.. her spiritual adviser had marked.. the dates of venereal abstinence. Not county Holy Week, Sundays, holy days of obligation, first Fridays, retreats, sacrifices... her effective year was reduced to 42 days.... F. was wearing a .. nightgown that reached down to her ankles... with a large, round buttonhole.. at the level of her lower stomach... That’s the most obscene thing I’ve ever seen....he shouted with a laugh.. I married a Sister of Charity.”

- “..she received him in bed. He had been married scarcely 2 months, but she realized at once things were not going well in the nuptial bed, and she had the pleasure of vengeance fulfilled.”

- “..brought in trainload of strange whores, Babylonish woman skilled in old-age methods nd in possession of all manner of unguents and devices to stimulate the unaroused... to satiate the voracious..”

- “..scandalous behavior of couples who hung their hammocks.. made love.. in broad daylight and in view of everyone.”

- “..child accidentally bumped into a [policeman] and spilled the drink on his uniform, the barbarian cut him to pieces with his machete, and with one stroke he cut off the head of the grandfather s he tried to stop him... town saw the decapitated man pass by as group of men carried him to his house, with woman dragging the head along by its hair, and the bloody sack with the pieces of the child... A.C. was found.. with an icepick between his eyebrows driven up to the handle.. woman who was with him said later that A.A. jumped out of bed and opened the door and was greeted with the discharge of a Mauser that split his head open.”

- “..shitting on everything at once..”

- “..when P. had not loved him for himself but because she had him mixed up with his twin and as she slept with both.. at the same time she thought God had given her the good fortune of having a man who could make love like 2. The restored passion was so pressing.. would look each other in the eyes as they were getting ready to eat and without saying anything they would cover their plates and go into the bedroom dying of hunger and of love.”

- “..naked, with matted hair, and an impressive sex organ that was like a turkey’s wattles, as if he were not a human child but the encyclopedia definition of a cannibal.”

- “..people... say that he was only good for filling up the town with French whores.”

- “..made him sign.. while he was naked with the woman who had helped entrap him.”

- “..she did not shit shit but shat sweet basil..”

- “..before she had completed her Pentecostal fast he had gone off... to loaf in adultery with a wretch... to see her behind.. to see her wiggle her mare’s behind... with [her] he could not perform.. the acrobatics and trampish antics that he did with the other one, who.. was ready for anything.. at least [some] had the honesty to put a red light at their door..”

- “..they would lay [the old woman] on the alter to see if she was any larger than the Christ child.. they hid her in the pantry where the rats could have eaten her. One Palm Sunday they... carried [her] out by the neck and ankles.”

- “If you do anything bad U. would tell him the saints will let me know... terror filled nights of his childhood... pleasure of being powdered between the legs with a silk puff would release him from the terror.”

- “..armed with an ecclesiastical cat-o-none-tails that he kept...along with a hair-shirt and other instruments of mortification and penance.. drove the children out of the house, howling like a madman and whipping without mercy..”

- “..his qualities as a good lover compensated for the [age] difference... that man.. with the leash round his neck... they both gave in to the reciprocal drive in the least adequate of places and wherever the spirit moved them... with passion.. time.. deepened and enriched.. not only a fierce lover,.. but.. first man.. who had made an emergency landing and had come close to killing himself and his sweetheart simply to make love in a field..”

- “One night 30 feet from his bed.. [a] couple ended up making love in a pool of muriatic acid.. clutching in his fist the [money] he had asked A. for.. not.. because he needed it.. [but] to involve her, debase her, prostitute her in his adventure. N. took him to her room.. to her.. cot with the bedding stained from bad loves, and to her body... without a soul.. found a man whose.. power demanded.. seismic readjustment from her insides. They became lovers.. at siesta time he would go to the bedroom where N... [taught] him how to do it like earthworms, then like snails and finally like crabs... between loves they would eat naked in the bed.. A. confided in her about his repressed passion for his sister.. After that N. continued to receive him with the same warmth as ever but she made him pay for her services..”

- “Even the timid little whores who came from the neighborhood.. they took [their dresses] off with the same innocence with which they had put them on... as soon as they got their [money] they would spend it on a roll with cheese that the proprietress sold them... proprietress would enter during the best moments of love and make.. comments about the intimate charms of the protagonists.. one night.. he got undressed in the small reception room and ran through the house balancing a bottle of beer on his inconceivable maleness.”

- “.. his latest discovery: a zoological brothel. .. big white dog.. who would give stud services.. in order to be fed.. G. was sin the room of the pensive mulatto girl.. smuggler boyfriend.. in prison.. border guards had caught him and made him sit on a chamberpot that filled up with a mixture of shit and diamonds.”

- “A. ..picked her [his sister] up by the waist.. dropped her on her back on the bed.. brutal tug.. pulled off her bathrobe before she had time to resist.. he loomed over... newly washed nudity [she] defended herself.. tried to knee him...dropped her defense.. tried to recover... it was too late.. She.. put a gag between her teeth so that she would not let out the cat howls that were already tearing her insides [so s to not waken her sleeping husband].”

- “..[brother and sister] continued taking advantage of her husbands rare unguarded moments, making love with gagged ardor.. delirium of lovers who were making up for lost time. It was a mad passion... her songs of agony would break out the same at 2 in the afternoon on the dining-room table as at 2 in the morning in the pantry... closed the windows and doors so as not to waste time getting undressed.. would roll around naked in the mud of the courtyard.. almost drowned as they made love in the cistern... would give themselves over to the worship of their bodies.. rub [her] erect breasts with egg whites or smooth her elastic thighs and.. stomach with cocoa butter, she would play with [his] portentous creature as if it were a doll and would pint clowns eyes on it with lipstick.. give it .. mustache.. put on.. bow ties and little tinfoil hats.. from head to toe with.. jam and licked each other like dogs and made mad love on the floor of the porch..”

- “Shit.. Who would have thought that we really would end up living like cannibals!”

- The 49th most challenged book between 1990 and 1992

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"Outrageously Alice"

Naylor, Phyllis Reynolds

- For parent donated information on this book Click Here

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"Patiently Alice"

Naylor, Phyllis Reynolds

- For parent donated information on this book Click Here

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"Paula"

Allende, Isabel
Harper Collins Publishers
Copyright 1994

- Story is about a woman’s thoughts on her life as she goes through a prolonged period with her daughter in a coma eventually dying.

- “..he obtained the best whiskey, the purest cocaine, and the most obliging party girls..”

- “She was so fertile that she became pregnant if a pair of men’s undershorts was waved ...within.. half kilometer, a predisposition I inherited, although, to my good fortune, the age of The Pill arrived in time for me.”

- “..heard.. that they tripped to other worlds on hallucinogenic mushrooms, indulged in unspeakable orgies..”

- “...they plotted a rendezvous in the north... For my mother the risks... were enormous...months planning ...her only accomplice my Uncle P., who did not want to know the lover’s identity."

- “..as we passed an obviously wealthy woman she screamed, “Your mother’s a slut!””

- “I entertained my children - and also a few men in the intimacy of our bed..”

- “..dog... was lascivious bitch that every 6 months was inseminated by some street cur despite ingenious subterfuges... such as outfitting her in rubber pants. ..in heat she would push her rear against the iron fence.... mutts waited to offer their love through the bars... Often I would find a dog stuck on one side..”

- “..soldiers drugged on a mixture of liquor and gunpowder... fixed bayonets and slaughtering knives,.. speared babies, gutted women.. mutilated men’s genitals.”

- gets in fight with boy, bites his ear. “..most erotic encounter of a long lifetime.. intense pleasure from the embrace and.. pain from the pummeling. Given that awakening of lust, another, ....woman might today be the complaisant victim of a sadist’s whip...”

- “.. these books were under lock and key, and that made them much more interesting than the ..cigarettes, or erotic magazines..... I searched for the dirty parts.. For decades ... torn apart inside and awash in a sea of intermingled desires and sins....”

- “My uncertainty (about God) began when I was 7, the day of my first Communion.. (earlier) I had elaborated a long list of major sins to impress the priest... even though I hadn’t committed them.. everything imaginable... homicide, fornication, lies, adultery (etc.).. priest ......signaled to a nun ..she washed my mouth out with soap and made me pray..”

- “..heard the women.. talking bout a marvelous little pill that would prevent pregnancy; it had revolutionized the cultures of Europe and the US.”

- “..petting in some dark corner of the garden... I was slow to understand the mechanics of sex... was not clear what an erection consisted of; when I felt something in M.’s pants pocket, I thought it was... keys."

- “Later.. apprised of... function of... penis, I felt cheated. ...... How different things were for you, P. You were 16 when you .. ask me to take you to a gynecologist.. to learn about contraceptives.”

- “..I rebelled against the double standard that allowed my brothers to go out all night and come back at dawn smelling of liquor.... considered normal that they would slip into the maid’s room at night, and they made jokes about it.... imagine the scandal if I had invited the gardener to my bed.... paralyzed by fear... threat of an unwanted pregnancy.. never seen a condom - except those fish rubbers... sold to the marines..”

- “I was 8 years old. ...man came out of the sea.. wearing goggles... [he says] don’t believe your dolly can pee-pee... show me the little hole.... does it have a pecker or not?... took my hand and placed it on his sex... felt.. something that moved.. like a .. garden hose.. tried to pull my hand away but he held it there firmly.. pointed to his groin.. want to see what I have here?... how your Mama and Papa do it? ..like dogs but, oh, much nicer.. we’ll go to the woods where no one can see us.”

- “He took my hand and led me ..into.. woods. ...Don’t let anyone touch you, if someone touches you between your legs it’s not just a mortal sin, you’ll be pregnant... belly will swell up.. bigger and bigger until it explodes and you die... Lie down.. we’re going to play Mama and Papa... stroked my face.. feeling for my childish nipples, which contracted when he touched them... panic swept over me and I began to cry.. hand.. to my legs.. feeling between them.. pushing them apart...moving up, up to my very center... just going to touch you softly with my finger, there’s nothing bad about that, open your legs.. I’m not going to put it in... not going to fuck you.. [took off] my dress... left on my panties.. voice hoarse.. mumbling obscenities and endearments and kissing my face...shirt was wet.. gulping fo breath, pressing hard against me. I thought I might die... crushed by the weight of his body.. fingers crawled like lobsters between my legs, pressing rubbing,.. rubbed against me, faster and faster,.. moans and rasping breath...then slumped beside me with a choked cry..”

- “[years later] I feel no repugnance or terror; quite the opposite.. tenderness for the little girl I was and for the man who did not rape me.”

- “..woman asked me.. how I was.. [told her] I was dying of syphilis... escorted me to [doctor] who diagnosed a urinary tract infection.”

- “He shared such surreal games with you that I came to fear for your mental health. He had a box (of) 6 little dolls he called ‘Death Row Inmates’ whose fate was to be executed at dawn.. every night you.. plead for clemency...told you that he descended directly from Jesus Christ..”

- “N. was conceived in a sleeping bag... 30 meters from homosexuals dressed as adolescent girls who sold themselves for $10... few steps from.. tent.. that was source of marijuana smoke..”

- Back to day when sexually assaulted when 8 years: “..climbs inside perverse little girls to eat their entrails. I put my hand where the fisherman had put his, ..drew it back, frightened, confused by the mingling of repugnance and dark pleasure. I again felt his rough, strong fingers.. smell, his weight, his obscenities in my ear. ..taking a long shower and scrubbing all over... dirty... dirty forever... never [would] disobey the fisherman’s orders, the next day I would meet him again... filled me with terror but also fascination. What could there be beyond sin?” She goes to town to meet fisherman and sees crowd of people. The fisherman is dead of a blow to the head. She vomits “a mixture of cheese quince paste and guilt” She goes to wake (since small town and murder rare) and is forced to pray Our Father of farewell. “laid out on white sheet was the man whose hands had known my body... looked first with ..fear, then with curiosity.. face was not the face of my sin...”

- “It’s his dinkus that doesn’t work and my noodle their going to split open. If he could just do it, I’d be happy... on our honeymoon when old limp-wick was more interested in listening to boxing ... than in my nightgown..”

- “...she enrolled in a seminar on sexuality and then - hugging case filled with eye opening accoutrements - she went around measuring penises and orgasms. ...if she acquired a reputation as a sexologist no one would.. take her out - men fear comparisons.... P. asked me to bring back certain.. material [from Holland]... poking through X-rated shops for.. telescoping rubber cocks, dolls with authentic orifices, and videos featuring imaginative combinations of women and spirited paraplegics or libidinous dogs... in.. airport when the customs official.. fingered those.. objects before... other passengers, especially when I explained they were not for my own personal use but my daughter’s”

- Her son N. shocks her by staging his death through staged hanging, drowning

- Uses witchcraft to improve friend and husbands businesses

- “..made love slowly.... not concerned with my own desire.... without impatience, without seeking orgasm..”

- Fairfax County Public Schools Summer 2000 Suggested Reading List For Rising Eleventh and Twelfth Graders

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"Peter"

Walker, Kate
Houghton Mifflin Company
170 pages
Copyright 1991

- Entire book is about a 15 year old [P] finding out he is homosexual

- Language includes: queer, marshmallow, pansies, Christ, bondage, shit, shitty, bullshit, friggin’, dickhead[s], faggot, camp, poof, poofter, big dicks, butch, Jesus, gay, tits, bastard, perving, boobs, slut, sluts, bi, fart-arse, fuckin’, bitch, frangers, condoms, wanking off, Chrissake, screw, VD

- “..I’m not all that keen on my dad. He’s only part-time.. He and Mum.. divorced for a couple of years and I hope they stay that way.”

- “There’s only one thing that scares poofters more than big dicks..”

- “[your mom] Bit butch, is she?.. She into whips, P? ..bondage!.. big butch mummy!”

- “Did he get a buzz out of touching me?.. I didn’t mind him fancying me. Funny, even if it’s a bloke, it’s still nice to know you’re desirable.. he’d do something like flutter his eyelashes... and I’d know he was gay... the poof! the queer! doing it with other blokes!.. Why.. How.. What made him want to?.. wasn’t the 1st gay I’d come across... couple of highly possibles in year 12 at school..”

- Since his brothers friend was ‘queer’ he asks his mom if his brother is. His mom says ‘gay’, not ‘queer’ and why don’t you ask your brother, gay friend doesn’t automatically make him gay.

- Playing video game with brothers friend behind him he thinks: “This is what poofters do, they sneak up on little boys and get them from behind! ...impressed him so much [with my video game playing] that he forgot about getting a free feel.”

- “..he’s not the campus faggot, but he’s certainly had his flings.. It’s his dick, he can stick it where he likes.”

- P’s ‘sex-mad’ friend T brings roll of film over for him to develop. He took it of a nude sunbathing, skinny dipping adult woman neighbor from tree [“..just about lives in it.."] overlooking her yard using a telephoto lens.

- T always tells him his motorbike is a “substitute for sex”, and P will “..have to do it eventually. You can’t put it off forever... Do it, before the bloody thing drops off in your hand.”

- T sees a pretty young mom and thinks he “wouldn’t mind having it off with an older woman.. be a great way to learn. She’d know everything and she could tell you what to do - not like a young chick, who’s.. just going to lie there.”

- “G’s one of our Year 9 tartlets.. hang around the older boys and act sexy.. S, T’s younger sister [was with G].. big loose top she was wearing.. to hide her big boobs.. G’s top was gaping and from where T stood he could see down the front of it.. was a loose.. thing that clung to the shape of her breasts.. I’ve watched her work this routine before: swinging her legs, tossing her hair and letting the older boys perv down the front of her sports shirt... with boobs like [S’s], she’d look ridiculous with skinny hips - like an ice-cream cone. A double!”

- P tells T his brothers friend is a poof, that his hands are graceful, that he dresses up a bit, and that he dreamed about him. T asks “Did he put the hard word on ya?” and said he could have gotten AIDS from having him at dinner. P asks T if he “ever dreamed about a bloke?” and he says no, never.

- P goes to see his brothers friend to get help with his motorbike; “..my head wouldn’t stop telling me; he’s queer!.. a poof!.. does it with blokes.. he’s gay.. handed him [tool], and our fingers touched.. I’d done it intentionally. What was it like to touch [a].. gay?”

- Motorbike friends saw him with his brothers friend and tease him: “Out with your boyfriend.. Shit! Had they seen him leaning on my shoulder?... tried to feel me up... Will all the boys in the vicinity of P please watch their backsides.. notes on the school bulletin board.. name on every toilet door, phone number too... foot sticking out, trying to trip me. I knew the routine.”

- “..you being a poof is headlines.. Score a girlfriend now.. Get a girlfriend, that’ll fix everything.. she’s itchin’.. give her a quick feel-up and she’s yours.. T, this is your sister you’re talking about. She’s gotta do it with someone, it might as well be you.. make sure you use frangers [condom]. If you knock her up, you’ll have to marry her. She is Italian. I’m not screwin’ your sister [T then unselfishly offers him the other girl, G].. she was wearing a skimpy top with no bra. Her breasts floated around.. doesn’t give you many places to rest your eyes.. never sure how your body’s going to react.. girlfriends and condoms. We’ve got a house full of them; Mum brings them home.. Everything I needed to become ‘sexually active’ was there.. the girl who went into orgasm over my naked thighs? I don’t think so!.. pressing her breasts against my arm.. pressed more of herself against me.. word was she expected sex from the blokes she went with.. way she was rubbing herself against me, I believed it.. T.. wanking off in his head about G.. She found my mouth.. dragged my hand.. slipped it under her top to clamp it over her breast - soft and squishy.. my first breast.. gave it a pump. She liked that and pressed harder.. tongue-kiss.. making a meal of me.. her hands moving.. down the front of my shirt.. front of my pants, and wham! she grabbed me.. I pushed her back hard..” [Lights go on, she is mad, girls leave, T is mad at him for shoving her away, concludes P is a poofter..] “Couldn’t ya even get it up for her?.. I.. sat nursing my balls in the dark.. I’d like to get to know a girl first before I’d drop my pants..[not ] scared.. choosy.. girl wouldn’t get offended.. just because I wasn’t always groping her tits. We’d do it eventually.. It’d be special.. Mum wouldn’t like it, my girl sleeping with me in my bedroom.”

- “[T has his] name spray-canned all over [a] bus shelter, advertising that I was a poof and my services were available at $2 a hit. [his dad is upset] ..the whole neighborhood could be thinking your son is queer?”

- “Make a good hairdresser.. Or an interior decorator!.. go through boyfriends real fast,.. them interior decorators [P’s brother encourages him to fight he boy teasing him].. poofter’s picnic.. song.. from school, one about homosexual stuff: bums for sale.. snickering [P fights the boy]

- Their housekeeper sees his brothers gay friend holding him, stroking his hair after the fight: ”Oh, my God!.. what’s he done to you?.. I warned your mother about him.. You fuckin’ old bitch! you fuckin’ old bitch!”

- “A girl had kissed me and I'd pushed her away.. bloke had stroked my hair, and I’d melted.. The boys had seen it. [my brother] had seen it. I was.. dumb.. taken 15 years to notice... what did I do now?.. bastards!”

- “[his dad says] Lord only knows what that pervert would have done to you.. [says to his mom].. way you’ve raised these boys, they wouldn’t know if they’d been molested or not.. could have given him AIDS! You let him into this house!.. [P’s brother says] D wouldn’t molest P.. not his style.. If he’s interested, he asks.. He didn’t know if I was gay or not when he first met me, so he asked.. told him it wasn’t my thing.. never asked again.. [P worries his mom is going to tell his dad that he is gay]”

- P takes bus to town. Sees “bloke come out of record shop.. camp as they come.. picked it 3 blocks away.. from the way he walked.. wiggling his bum.. Did I walk like that and not know it?.. people behind me.. would.. know about me.. think I was following him, hoping for a pick-up!.. T says you can tell poofters by the way they run. How do they run? Like me?.. ducked into the men’s toilets.. graffiti on the door.. JACKO’S GAY. WHACKA SUX ANYONE.”

- He calls telephone hotline and has 5 page conversation about his sexuality.

- He buys a “gay men’s magazine... ducked into another public toilet.. smell of urine.. perving on pictures of naked men. Or 2 men together... good looking blokes with terrific bodies. Mostly they were naked, or they wore scraps of leather.. got the lot, full on, balls and all.. got the stirrings, perving on naked men.. One of [them] reminded me of D.. smiling in a ‘come on’ sort of way. I touched his face and let my fingers creep down the page, seeing how far I could go. Seeing what it did for me... So now I knew.. didn’t want it for me.. poofter joke.. candidate for AIDS.. flush the magazine [clogs].. no way I was going to.. pull it out.. soaked in everyone else’s shit-water.. pain.. Living hurt..”

- He thinks about D: “..I liked his hand stroking my hair. I touched my own neck, trying to bring back the feelings of his fingers there.. touched his face in the photograph.. could imagine being kissed by him.. made my pulse rate pick up.. What would it be like with a bloke?.. least with a bloke you’d know what to do, having practiced on yourself.. if I could hug a man, and imagine being kissed by him, why not the rest?.. Sex is part of living.. Why should I miss out?.. AIDS thing worried me.. thanks to Mum, we had a houseful of condoms and pamphlets on the subject [goes to D’s house].. had condoms in my pocket.. I’d expected he’d know why I’d come.. figured he’d get the message... watched my hand shoot out and grab his.. No, he said.. I wanted to die [starts to cry and D comforts him].. stroked my hair.. letting his fingers rest along the back of my neck.. Do you think you might be gay [he asked].. dunno.. You’re a pretty gorgeous kid. Not too many guys’ll knock you back.. could get screwed and still not know. Is that what you want, just to get screwed?.. why not wait.. Think I’ve always known. From when I was 12, anyway.. crush on my swimming coach. Then it was a teacher. Then.. one of the senior boys at school.. met my first lover when I was 18.. went crazy over him.. special.. How did you know?, I asked... kept falling in love with men [he said]”

- In Fairfax County Public School Elementary and Middle School Library System

___________________________________________________

"Push"

Sapphire
Random House
Approx. 180 pages
Copyright 1996 by Sapphire / Romona Lofton

- Book is about a big, fat 16-year old illiterate girl from Harlem. She is having her second child. She had her first when 12-years old. The father of both her children is also her father, her mom’s “boyfriend,” who is married to another woman. Her first child is retarded and has Down Syndrome. By the end of the book her father dies of AIDS. She learns she has AIDS also. The book is filled with controversial material including extensive profanity, extensive explicit sexual abuse of children, lesbianism, etc. Excerpts below are only some of the controversial material in the book.

- From only the first 7 pages of the story: “..what’s the fucking use… lies and shit.. motherfucking building.. shit.. Motherfucker.. motherfucker.. look like a bitch just got a train pult on her.. shit.. motherfuckers.. fuckin’.. Coon fool… fuck.. white bitch.. motherfuckers.. white cunt.. Bitch.. 16 is.. old to be in junior high school.. hoe.. shit.. hoe.. rowdy niggers.. nasty ass.. suck a dogs dick.. shit.. cunt bucket.. my muver call women she don’t like, cunt buckets.. bad odor out my pussy.. nosy ass white bitch.. fuck.. white bitch.. slut.. Slut! nasty ass tramp… shit.. Slut! goddam slut! You fucking cow! [mom] hit me.. Then she KICK.. my face! Whore! Whore!” Other constant explicit language in this book is not excerpted due to its excessiveness

- “..knowing a man can put his dick in you , gush white stuff in your booty you could get pregnant. I’m 12 now, I been knowing about that since I was 5 or 6.. always known about pussy and dick.”

- “If she hit me I will stab her ass to def..”

- “..fucking my husband you nasty little slut.. Fat cunt bucket slut! Nigger pig bitch!.. mother fuckers… should KILL you!.. Miss Hot-to-Trot..”

- “..looked over at her mother, her greasy lips, her brown face swollen like some grotesque pumpkin, her torn.. house dress, her dark brown thighs spreading out.. took up half the couch.. arms seemed like huge animals.. watching the grease run down her.. chin.. slick fat meat explode its salty lusty taste in her mouth..”

- “..felt her mother’s hand between her thighs.. felt her mother’s.. fingers.. knew by the smell in the room her mother’s hand was between her own legs.. hand inched up P’s thighs into the wet opening of her vagina.”

- “..my 2nd baby for my fahver, it gonna be retarded to?.. Mamma knew.. brought him to me.. stinky hoe give me to him. That’s what he require to fuck her.. some of me.. he jus’ climb on [me]. Shut up! he say. You wide as the Mississippi.. slapping her ass, don’t tell me a little bit of dick hurt you heifer. Git used to it. He laffed. You is usta it.. he fell on top of her.. gonna marry you he be saying.. he mess up her life by fucking her.. mess up the fucking by talking stupid shit. The fucking embarrass her.. Nigger, how you gonna marry me when you is my daddy.. fucking me is illegal. But she kept her mouth shut so’s the fuckin’ don’t turn into a beating. It start to feel good.. [she] start coming.. she rocking under [him] know, her twat jumping juicy, it feel good.. feel ‘shamed.. he slap her thigh.. squeeze her nipple, bite down hard. She come some more. he slap her thigh, See, you LIKE it! You like your mama-you die for it!.. pull his dick out her.. warm white.. pour out her hole damping up the sheets.”

- “..garbage smell from her pussy..”

- “If [my father knew me] he would know I was like a white girl, a real person inside.. would not climb on me.. stick his dick in me.. get me inside on fire, bleed.. then he slap me.. [mom] say I took her husband..Please! Thas my mutherfuckin’ fahver! I hear [mom] tell someone on phone I am heifer, take her husband, I’m fast.. wish I was not alive.. I never stick my bresses in [my first baby’s] mouth.. [mom] say.. What that child of yours need tittie for? She retarded. Mongloid. Down Sinder.”

- “..don’t give a fuck. I look bitch teacher woman in face..”

- “Crackers is the cause of everything bad. It why my father act like he do.. forgot he is the Original man! So he fuck me, fuck me, beat me..”

- “..Little Mongo thas my daughter. Mongo sound Spanish don’t it?.. thas why I chose it, but what it is is short for Mongloid Down Sinder, which is what she is, sometimes what I feel I is. I feel so stupid.. ugly, worth nuffin’.. [my dad] come over fuck us’es. Go from room to room, slap me on my ass when he through holler WHEEE.. Call me.. Butter Ball Big Mamma 2 Ton of Fun. I hate to hear him talk more than I hate fuck. Sometimes fuck feel good. That confuse me..”

- “..teacher nigger.. Don’t care if she teacher, don’t know niggers start on time..”

- “1st grade boy say.. Pick up your lips.. ‘fore you trip over them.. 2nd grade I is fat.. fart sounds and pig grunts start.. no one hear the TV set voices.. out blackboard but me.. I try not to answer them.. My pee pee open hot stinky down my thighs.. splatter.. wanna die I hate myself.. 7 [years old], he on me almost every night. First it’s just in my mouth. Then.. he is intercoursing me. Say I can take it. look you don’t even bleed, virgin girls bleed. You not virgin. I’m 7.”

- “..feel the hot sauce hot cha cha feeling when he be fucking me.. get.. confuse. I HATE him. But my pussy be popping. He say.. Big Mama your pussy is popping! I HATE myself when I feel good. …Farrakhan, a real man, who don’t fuck his daughter, fuck children.”

- “..am choking between [mom’s] legs A HUH HUH. She is smelling big woman smell. She say suck it, lick me.. her hand like a mountain pushing my head down.”

- “Am I ugly? Is Mama ugly?.. not sure.. know she got pussy odor.. [mom] say.. Your daddy’s dead.. I’m glad the niggers dead. ..Mama say.. had the AIDS.. Since I was little her husband fuck me beat me.. come in the night, take food, what money they is, fuck us bofe. ..was he my real daddy?.. He your daddy [but].. We not married.. he got a wife though, a real wife, purty light-skin woman he got 2 kids by.. You got [AIDS} I ask [mom]. No [she said]. How you know? We never did, you know--.. Mama.. she fucking crazy.. He never fuck you, I say.. Oh yeah, she say. But not like faggots, in the ass and all… stupid bitch.. wanna kill her.”

- She goes to new school. reading what other girls in class wrote for project: “R’s daddy kill her mother in front her eyes.. [R] been on street selling pussy since she was 12.. like me-can’t read, write nothin’. RH’s brother raping her since she was a chile, her mother find out and put RH, not brother out. ..C.. tell me exercise and stay out sun so I don’t get no darker.. Spanish.. bitch bent outta shape ‘cause she dark like nigger.. Shit, R is a nigger and she lighter than C! ..J.. Call what she is sexual preference.. Say mens beat her for what she is. Mother put her out house when she found out.. Ms RA a butch.. she said-not homos who rape me, hot homos who let me be ignorant.. boyz just see what you looks like. A boy come out my pussy.”

- “Bafhouse where faggits meet nekkid fuck each other. I wondr wat that be likie.. Nex door libry is none house. Nones live there serve god don fuck.”

- “i stop. Gon rite bout vaykent lot. uuugh dog shit dog shit crummel up briks steell fence lifes of trash cancer yr eye multiply ugliness greazee shit garbage cans, rottin cloze PAMPER filthee dope addicks pile up flow over uglee I HATE HATE UGLY….kraters, thas on dope addicts arms-kraters.. not crack addicts.. Dese people.. is HAIRRUN shuters.. Maybe pass nigger wif needle in arm noddin.. Drps of blood drip down maybe pass sex sicko wif peniss out, flashlite eyes shine sperms on you.. niggers steel shute dope steel shute dope harlm crime crime.. dancin scool.. hav liked to go.. when I was young.. too late now.. Boyz don go Only faggit boyz.. don want [my son] to be faggit or dope addick.. uglee dope addicks.. steelin. Spred AIDS an heptietis.”

- “Peoples wif no bafroom piss ‘n shit.. counselor.. figure out how long I been infected. People at retard place say Lil Mongo don’t got it.. maybe [dad] didn’t have it.. when she born.. I could live a long time, [counselor] say. I ask her what’s a long time. She don’t say… I’m not tight wif girls in the house.. bitches got problems, come in room and steal shit.. know I ain’ only one that got [AIDS].. But.. probably the only one get it from.. daddy.”

- “My clit swell up I think daddy. [he] sick me, disgust me, but still he sex me up ..nawshus.. stomach but hot tight in my twat.. want it back, the smell of the bedroom, the hurt.. pump my pussy in out in out in out awww I come. he bite me hard.. slam his hips into me HARD. I scream in pain he come.. slap my thighs.. Orgasm in me, his body shaking.. call me Fat Mama, Big Hole! You LOVE it! say you love it!.. wanna say I DON’T.. I’m a chile. But my pussy popping like grease in a frying pan. he slam in me again. His dick soft. he start sucking my tittie… wait for him to get off me.. stare at wall.. then my body take me over again, like shocks after earthquake, shiver me, I come again. My body not mine. I hate it coming.. go bafroom.. smear shit on my face. Feel good. Don’t know why but it do.

- “..girl have her father’s dick in her mouth know things the other girls don’t know..”

- “Smell mama. [Dad], the way his knees on either side of my neck.”

- “he put his ball in my face. years like wash machine.. mama jaw open.. the smell deeper than toilet. her fingers pick apart my pussy.”

- Social worker comes to talk to her mother about the sexual abuse: “I wake up at night, morning he not wif me, I know he in there wif her. When did it first start? I don’ know.. am good mother.. [he] jus’ a high natured man.. She still little.. around 3 maybe. I give her bottle.. got milk in my bress but from [boyfriend] sucking. I give him tittie. [daughter] bottle.. bottle her, tittie him.. never get dried up ‘cause [he] always on me.. we in bed.. her on one side.. [him] on other side.. [he] got my tittie in his mouf.. natural.. I hot. he sucking my tittie.. he getting hard.. climb on me.. Then he reach over to [child]. Start wif his finger between her legs.. he say.. This is good for her.. git off me, take off her Pampers and try to stick his thing in.. trip me out.. it can almost go in.. freak baby.. I say stop.. I want him on me!.. Sex me up, not my chile.. cain’t blame all that shit happen to [her] on me… he her daddy, but he was my man!…. I hate Mama, she ain’ shit.”

- “I want to live.. Mama reminded me I might not. I got this virus..”

- “I awake [brother] standing over me on top the bed naked.. Thing like a donkey’s.” She tells her mother who yells at her, calls her names and kicks her out. 8 years later brother is now dentist: “..maybe he is, maybe he beat the case-he get charged by a young girl’s parents of trying to stick his finger (and who knows what else) up her pussy.. ma say it’s all lies.. parents just trying to extort him.. I would go with men to bars, drink, go home with them, hope I get to stay the night-that they don’t tell me go after they come.. do this with, oh, is it 5 or 50 or 100 guys.. the men look funny, like worms growing out of their skins, worms that turn to little penises, till I am sick with the walking dicks of Harlem. everywhere is a hand rubbing, a dick going psst psst come here come here… I say fuck the whole welfare thing.. crazy.. I break one white woman’s nose. ..hit that bitch so hard whole room could hear her nose go CRUNCH.. work for ol’ white woman.. [she] HATE black people.. goddam shit.. could put a pillow over her face and no one would no.. Porta Ricans and American niggers can get something-white people is getting it too. Why can’t I?.. go end this cracker’s days!.. get position looking after ol’ white man.. he nasty. want me to wash his penis.. the ol’ mutherfucker die.. [see] my brother.. This a man fauk his sister and say so what.. You wanted it as much as I did! he say.”

- “ ..never occurred to me to dress like man! For Chrissake, what the fuck is that? I was dressing like myself. ..a river that engorges my clitoris and fills me.. I’m 7.. boy holds me down.. tries to push his dick into me. I am 8: when I put my tongue in [a girl’s] mouth.. 9: my fingers 10: my tongue but this time I put it in where he tried to put it in me 13: pressed close to her.. in her room.. My fingers A trains howling thru her dark tunnel.. BULLDAGGERBULLDAGGERBULLDYKE…[her] father.. catches me one night to show me what a MAN is.. from my new knowledge one of my front teeth is gone… slid my fingers up the sweet stink of another child and knelt down to lick her thighs… I was born butch!!.. 14: ..mother is a religious movement.. walking church.. jack off, shouting ass Christian. It make me sick. JESUS this, JESUS that, fuck that shit. ..I’m 17: when [mom] walks in on me and [my girlfriend] fucking.. screaming curses in the name of God.. words float above our naked bodies.. smell of us sweet, stinky, swollen with sex contracts.. never see [girlfriend] again.. [stays with father in Queens] left on thin mat near the door listening to him masturbate.. I’m 19: ..I fought back.. 6 men.. try to hit at least 1 of ‘em ‘fore they kill you.. fist with 200 pounds behind it connects solidly with your eye.. concrete does not yield to lip cheek nostril… razor.. extreme cold.. it’s hot.. woke up in.. Hospital”

- In Fairfax County, VA Mountain View High School

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